Think about it: do we take all rejections personally?If I ask a stranger for a ride, do I get mad if they say no? If I go up to someone and say, “give me some money,” do I become resentful if they say no? If I try to flap my arms and fly, do I become resent at the world for not giving me wings? I only become resentful if I feel you’re blocking me from what I’m entitled, too. The keyword here is entitlement.
想一想：我们是否会对所有的拒绝都很在意？如果我向陌生人请求搭车被拒绝，我是否会生气？如果我走到某人面前说，“给我一些钱”。我是否会因对方的拒绝而心生怨恨？如果我试图拍打我的手臂飞起来，我是否会因为世界没有给我一双翅膀而心生怨恨？只有当我觉得你阻挠我得到，我有权得到的东西时，我才会产生怨恨，这里的关键词是“权利”。
Finn believes women are objects that he’s entitled too, and their lack of surrender, their lack of submission, the expression of their own autonomy and freedom is a threat to his perceived entitlement. So rejected entitlement leads to frustration, and accumulated frustration leads to resentment. And so the belief behind resentment, if I’m going to put it simply, is this: “you shouldn’t be in my way”. Resentment builds when I believe you’re preventing me from receiving what I’m entitled to. The resentful eye is always looking for someone to blame. So what happens when we become resentful?
芬恩认为女性是他有权得到的物品，而她们的不屈服、不顺从，表达自己的自主性和自由是对他所认为的权利的威胁。于是，被拒绝的权利就导致了挫败，而累积的挫败就会导致怨恨，所以怨恨背后的想法。简单来说，就是：“你不应该挡我的路”。当我认为你阻止我获得我应得的东西时就会产生怨恨，怨恨的眼睛总是在寻找可以指责的人。那么，当我们变得心怀怨恨时，会发生什么？
Like Nietzsche said, resentment is anti-life and anti-growth, and unfortunately, we’ve seen stories like Finn play out in real life many times. The resentful want to annihilate that which they resent. They want to destroy the thing they think is blocking them from getting what they believe they deserve. Resentment is, at best, a win-lose game. One person has to lose so the other can win. But more often, resentment is a lose-lose game. The feeling of resentment doesn’t feel good, so if I carry it with me, I’m already losing. And if I act on my resentments, it’s a loss for the people who I act it out on. So how do we prevent ourselves from becoming resentful?
就像尼采说的，怨恨是反生命和反成长的。不幸的是，我们在现实生活中已经看到像芬恩这样的故事上演了太多次。怨恨的人想要消灭他们所怨恨的东西，他们想摧毁他们认为阻碍了他们获得他们认为自己应有的权利的东西。最好的情况下怨恨也只是一场你死我活的输赢，一个人必须要输，另一个人才能赢。但更多时候，怨恨只会造成双输的局面。怨恨的感觉并不好，所以当我有了怨恨的感觉，我就已经输了。如果我依照我的怨恨采取行动，那么我行动的对方就会受到伤害。那么，我们如何防止自己变得心怀怨恨？
In order to defuse all resentment in the mind, this idea has to be true: there’s a place in this world, and a way to that place, for everyone which can’t be denied by anyone except for themselves. In other words, it’s not possible for anyone to truly get in your way. That’s the idea that would have to be true for resentment to never build up in the mind.
要想化解心中的所有怨恨，需要认可这样一个想法：于每个人而言世界上都存在一个归宿和一条通往它的路，除自己以外，任何人都无法否认它。换句话说，任何人都不可能真正阻碍你，你必须接受这一想法，怨恨才不会在心中积聚。
If we return to the example of Finn, this may mean that he believes, no matter how many times he’s rejected, that there is a right person out there for him. And there’s a way to find and connect with that person, but he just hasn’t found the right way yet.
如果我们回到芬恩的例子，这意味着他相信无论他被拒绝多少次，总会有一个适合的人在等待他，并且他总有机会找到那个人，只是他暂时还没有找到正确的路。
And now you may be wondering: is it true? Is there a place in this world, and a way to that place, for everyone which can’t be denied by anyone except for themselves? Can I construct a scientific experiment to prove that it’s true? What would that experiment look like?
现在你可能会疑虑：这是真的吗？世界上真的有属于每个人的归宿和通往那里的路，并且除自己以外，任何人都无法否认它吗？我可以构建一个实验来证明其真实吗？这个实验会是什么样子的？
Let’s return to our example. Imagine Finn lives out his whole life, and on the very last day, he says, “It was true. There was a woman for me out there, and it took a while, but I did find my way to her. No one was ever in my way but myself.” So in this scenario, Finn has proved the belief true.
回到我们的例子，想象一下芬恩度过了他的一生，在最后的日子里，他说，“世上的确有一位适合我的女性，找到她花了些时间，但我最终还是遇上了她。从来阻碍我的只有我自己而已”。在这种情况下，芬恩已经证实了这一想法的真实性。
Now, let’s consider the alternative. Finn lives out his whole life, and on the very last day, he says, “It’s false. There was never a woman for me in this world. I never found her, and I’m not the one to blame. Women are to blame – and the men they choose to be with! They’re the ones in my way! The world is to blame for my failure!” In this scenario, has Finn proved the belief false? No. What if the right girl did exist but he just never found her? So what does all of this mean?
现在，再来考虑另一种情况，芬恩度过了他的一生，在最后的日子里。他说，“这是骗人的，这世上根本就没有一个女人愿意和我在一起，我没能找到她，根本不是我的问题，应该怪那些女的，还有她们选择在一起的男的，是他们妨碍了我，我的失败都是因为这个世界”。如果是这种情况，芬恩是否证明了这一想法是错的？并没有，如果合适的人确实存在，只是他一直没找到呢？那么，这一切意味着什么？
Earlier, I said this belief had to be true to clear the mind of resentment: there’s a place in this world, and a way to that place, for everyone which can’t be denied by anyone except for themselves. And this is a belief that you can prove true for your own life, but you can never prove it false. And I think that means, ultimately, that resentment is a choice. And this is a point I really wanna hammer home. When you read the manifestos of people like Finn, people who do really atrocious things to the world, you can see they’re resentful. And they often say something that amounts to, “things could’ve been different, if you, the world, didn’t make me resentful.”
先前我说过，你必须先相信这一想法，才能清除心中的怨恨：于每个人而言世界上都存在一个归宿和一条通往它的路，除自己以外，任何人都无法否认它。这一想法你可以用自己的生活去证明其真实性，但你永远无法证明它是错的，而我认为这意味着，归根结底，怨恨是一种选择，这也是我非常想强调的一点。当你阅读像芬恩一样的人所做的宣告，那些对世界施加了暴行的人，你就会发现他们心怀怨恨，他们经常说一些话，类似“如果你，这个世界没有逼我变成一个充满仇恨的人，事情不会走到这一步”。
And I think this part is false. No one can make you resentful. You have to decide whether the world has a place for you, a place which no one can deny you but yourself, and then you have to dedicate your whole life to that search. And at the end of your life, you can say that you never found that place, but you can never say that it didn’t exist because it’s impossible to prove that it doesn’t exist. Or you can reject the idea that there’s a place for you in this world, and you can become resentful towards the people you think stand in your way,but then you have to be honest with yourself: this is a choice you are making for yourself. No one can make you resentful but you. Resentment arises from a voluntary abandonment of faith in the world – a voluntary abandonment of hope.
我认为这种想法是错的，没有人能将怨恨强加给你，是你自己决定是否这个世界上有你的归宿，一个除了你没有人能否定的归宿。然后你要用你的一生去探索这一想法，在你的生命结束时，你可以说你一直没能找到那个归宿，但你永远不能断言它是不存在的。因为你无法证明它不存在，或者你也可以拒绝接受这个归宿的想法，然后去怨恨那些你认为阻碍了你的人，但你必须对自己诚实：这是你自己做出的选择，除了你自己，没有人能将怨恨强加给你。怨恨产生于自愿放弃了对世界的信心，放弃了希望。
And although I talked about resentment in a very specific context, I could’ve used hundreds of different examples. I could’ve written about a woman who becomes resentful towards men, or a boss to their employee, or an employee to their boss, or a parent to their kid, or a kid to their parents, and so on. But I believe the mechanics of resentment operate the same in all situations: a voluntary abandonment of faith in the world leads to entitlement, rejected entitlement leads to frustration, and an accumulation of frustration leads to resentment. So the key to stopping resentment is to never lose hope in the world.
虽然我是通过一个非常具体的事例来谈了怨恨的问题，但同样的例子还有很多我可以写。一个女人怨恨男性，或一个老板怨恨其雇员，或者雇员怨恨老板，或者父母怨恨孩子，孩子怨恨父母等等。但我相信在所有情况中，怨恨的机制都是相同的：自愿放弃对世界的信心导致了对权利的幻想，权利被拒绝导致挫败，挫败积累导致怨恨。因此，停止怨恨的关键是永远不要对世界失去希望。
So let me leave you with this. From 1942 to 1945, Viktor Frankl was imprisoned in various concentration camps. In these years, not only had he lost his freedom, but he lost his father, his mother, and his wife to these camps. Witnessing all the cruelty, humiliation, and atrocities around him, Frankl had every reason to lose hope. But he never did. In fact, in his bestselling book “Man’s Search for Meaning,” he wrote, “everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
最后让我给你们讲一个故事。从1942年到1945年，维克多·弗兰克一直被辗转囚禁于各个集中营，在这几年中，他不仅失去了自由，还于集中营中失去了父亲、母亲和妻子。目睹周围各种的残酷、羞辱还有暴行。弗兰克有无数理由可以丧失希望。但他没有。事实上，在他的畅销书《活出意义来》中，他写道：“一个人可以被夺走一切，除了一样东西：人类最后的自由，在特定环境中选择自己的态度，选择自己的方式的自由”。
He reaffirmed the idea that even in the worst of circumstances, when all seems lost, we can still hold on to hope, and we still retain a power that no one, and I mean no one, can rob us of. Even in the darkest situations, we hold a light within us that can ward off the all-consuming shadows of resentment, but we must choose to harness that light, and we have to choose not to surrender to the shadow.
他重申了这样的想法：即使在最糟糕的情况下，当我们似乎失去了一切，我们仍可以坚守希望，我们仍然保留着一种力量，一种没有人，没有任何人，可以剥夺的力量。即使在最黑暗的情况下，我们内心也拥有一束光，可以抵挡来自怨恨的阴影的侵蚀。但我们必须选择利用好这束光，我们必须选择不向阴影投降。
As always, this is just my opinion, understanding, and interpretation of some of Nietzsche’s ideas, not advice.
一如既往，这只是我对尼采的想法的，一些观点、理解和解释，并不是建议。
来源：ONE字幕组
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